I work slightly differently with each person I meet because I adapt my counselling style depending on what a person wants to think about and get out of our meetings. I see each person as unique although many things that happen in life are not. We all experience loss, change and uncertainty at different times in our lives. Things happen which are unfair and we have to cope. Relationships can be supportive but can be sources of stress as well. People are very resourceful and find ways of adapting. I believe mental discomfort stems from: •the messages about ourselves which we receive and internalise from our relationships in our childhood or later in life •the patterns we develop of relating to ourselves and others •things that happen which affect us (both in the past and ongoing) •the beliefs we hold about other people and the world •what choices are available to us. Sometimes we get stuck in patterns of thinking and behaving, which perhaps were once helpful but aren’t any more. We build our ideas about others and ourselves based on our past relationships and experiences, and sometimes our view of how things might be – what we deserve, what we’re worth – gets muddled. People respond in different ways to difficult situations and find ways of coping with the feelings they bring up. Sometimes these might be attempts not to feel and may cause other problems in life – like dissociating, using drugs or alcohol, over or under-eating, hurting themselves or others. I won’t condemn someone for how they feel and how they cope, nor will I think there is something innately wrong with them. I work with these types of behaviours by helping a person make sense of why they are doing them and – if they want to – consider how else they might be able to look after themselves and get their needs met. I believe that everyone has the capacity to change and to grow.